February, as you know, is a shorter month that its eleven counterparts. This is for one very good reason. Forget the summer equinox, there is one day in February that feels like it lasts forever.

A minefield for the ‘loved up’ and the gallows for the single, Valentine’s day is a day not to be taken lightly. This is particularly the case for the much forgotten group in all this romantic extravagance, single men.

But you don’t care about Valentines’ do you? It’s for wimps, right? So, why do you stop when you get to Love Actually on your Sky remote having worryingly seen it before.

Hollywood, much like the eligible females, has overlooked the sensitive male, but worry not. Here are ten tips to get you through the longest day of the year.

Step 1: Pull a Sickie – This is no day for work and small talk. Working and moping are not a good mix. Yes, that’s right, there will be moping but for God’s sake don’t let your colleagues see you.

Step 2: Turn off your mobile – Step 6 should help explain this one. When step 2 and step 6 mix, it does not make for a good combination. Let’s just say a few years ago I had 6 6s and used my 2 to inadvertently tell my aunt things she should never hear from her nephew. Thankfully, last year I dropped my 2 in my 6 and it made for a much better end result.

Step 3: No Facebook – It is the poison in Cupid’s arrow. In fact Cupid doesn’t need his arrows anymore. He’s online and he’s got his feet up. You’ve spent the last 12 months convincing yourself your past conquests have got ugly, fat and their new partners are no way near as manly, funny and attractive as you. They’re probably richer than you, definitely taller than you and almost certainly having more luck than you on Valentines’ day. Facebook is just the tool to ruin this illusion.

Step 4: Horror films – You need to pass the time in your (very) bachelor pad. Horror is the only genre that does not risk seeing people far better off than you.